15 going on 18

 When I look in the mirror in the morning, I see an overly tired 16 year old girl wanting to go back to bed. In the afternoon, I see a 16 year old girl who hid her tired eyes with makeup because that's what society teaches us to do. Hide the natural so you can try and look "pretty". At night, I see a 16 year old girl who got through her day and is ready to follow the same schedule tomorrow. However, when I see myself in the mirror and truly take a look I see a happy girl who just wants to smile and have fun. Others should understand I try so hard to be the happy girl but truthfully no one realizes what one goes through. No one in this society ever catches a break. If someone were to change their style, look, hair, etc, they would be "noticed". However, this "notice" is usually judgement. Everyday I sit with people at lunch and honestly the most brought up conversations have to come from judging others or sharing others secrets. When I see myself in the mirror I don't see a girl who likes that,  she isn't that type of person. I wish others could see that I am more than that and honestly do not want to be involved. 

This was written 2 years ago.... My version now would consist of....

    When I look in the mirror in the morning, I see an 18-year-old girl who doesn't recognize herself. She's tired, has puffy eyes, and always has such a big yawn as she stares at herself longer and longer. She checks her hair maybe will run a brush through it then walks to the kitchen. In the kitchen, she grabs an ice cube and starts rubbing it on her face as she asks Alexa to start blasting country music, then dances her way back to the bathroom. She looks at herself some more and continues to get ready. She then leaves the bathroom with brushed hair and curled lashes, maybe some lip gloss, but only if she's feeling it. At night, its a girl who accomplished something, no matter how small, or how unspecial it might have been, she did something today, and she has something to be proud of. She's eager to find out what tomorrow will bring, because, with her, you never know what is going to happen next. She loves this about herself! She's so spontaneous and does what feels right to her and those close to her, which are surprising people she never would have imagined would play such a big role in her life! She loves them, and her dog so so much! She doesn't need to be noticed by anyone, but she notices everyone. She likes to imagine their lives and what they go through. She likes to drop compliments here and there, not because she feels the need to lie, in fact she doesn't lie about compliments, she speaks her mind and if she likes something, then why not make someone's day by letting them know? She dreads thinking about who she used to be, but does remember and makes sure to never become that person again. She went through hell in her own mind and has hurt so many, and she isn't trying to cover that up either. She knows people remember her as that girl, and also realizes that if someone wants to be that small-minded and not try and get to know the real her, the her now, well, they aren't meant to be in her life anyways, she wouldn't want someone like that around her. She does judge herself on appearance and whether the shirt looks good or the outfits fit her body-type, but always wears what she wants to wear at the end of the day. I see a girl who truly has changed from her 16-year-old self and is the happiest she could be. She still struggles and has her flaws, many of them, but she is finally content with herself and that's all she's ever wanted to be, happy being her. She's found someone to love and someone to accept love from she's happy with him. She's found best friends that know will last for a lifetime, she's happy with them. But Most importantly she's happy with herself now too.