September 20

Okay, there are so many things on my mind that I could speak about so this probably will be all over the place but that’s okay! that’s also how my brain kind of feels right now. One thing I’ve noticed is that I have been comparing myself to everyone and everything lately and it sucks. Like I think we all need to realize that everyone had different views on life and healthy lifestyles. also, everyone fights their own battles that no one will typically ever tend to know about. To some people, a girl who’s a “mess” is her having such a good day taking things one step at a time, and having a small win today. Also, those that feel the need to share every step and meal eaten today which seems like a little amount to some, yes it can make some feel like crap but that girl could be trying just for herself and feels the need to share. Not everything is a competition and in the grand scheme of things… there’s always going to be somebody out there that is “prettier”, “skinner”, more confident, funnier, etc. IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!! Also, another thing is there are always going to be people trying to put you down for anything. something as simple as dating the boy they “want” or having something they dream of. it’s all just BS. It doesn’t matter!! Don’t let these people put you down no matter how hard they are trying! it’s sad how they’ll never stop or keep living in their delusions but honestly, who cares?! Everyone’s different and if people feel the need to put others down, let them. Karmas is a bitch and just believe that and go about your day! Even if someone seems they’re living their absolute best life and they’re a crappy person, let it be. you can’t control that! Keep only things you can control in your control. Let the rest be and just learn to be content with you. Now I sound so hypocritical saying this because it’s hard! I let this stuff get to me all the time and that’s okay but honestly when you logically think about it… why let dumb crap ruin you? you can’t control it? move on. better yourself. put people and things in your life that make you happy and leave it at that. With this being said sometimes keeping people is hard. So hard. But if you want something you’ll better yourself and the situation to make it work. Relationships, friendships, etc. are two-sided. Don’t keep people that make you sad and never feel good enough around. Everyone is lovable and should always feel that way. You should never think to yourself that you’re not. Take a breath and realize everything you are, maybe it’s not exactly where you want to be, but with the right people and assurance from those around you and yourself, you will get to where you’re happy with yourself. Everyone deserves that. No one deserves to just feel too much to handle or too much going on, we all go through it. Those who love you won’t give up on you no matter how hard it gets. I hope everyone finds someone they can go to about anything and just feel heard. It’s all you need. You’re not wrong and you’re not crazy. Everything truly does happen for a reason and life does honestly suck sometimes but you have to remember you can only live your life. Don’t spend yours trying to live through anyone else’s eyes. This is so hard, especially for some, but every day you just have to try. It’s not going to be easy especially just starting it’s going to seem like everything’s hitting all at once but take your wins as wins no matter how someone else looks at them. Even if eating something out of your comfort zone and not focusing on it or feeling bad about it is your win that no one else can see, you see it and you need to realize it’s a win. These small wins will begin to add up over time, no matter how long it takes. Also, don’t focus on your old you if that isn’t you anymore. accept it, don’t try and go back, just try to better your future self and become who you want to be. It’s not going to happen overnight and things are going to get thrown at you but take a minute and just accept it all. Take time to think of things you want to be different in your life and try your hardest to change these things. I just deleted tiktok because I found myself in patterns I just don’t want to be in. Little things like this even just add up. If I want to download it again when I feel the need to, maybe I will but right now… I don’t need it so why keep it if it’s just making me sad or angry? All things should be looked at like this. Nothing is that deep and it’s hard to realize it but sometimes takes a minute to just think things through. It’s really hard for me to do this because I have a bad habit of just reacting but realizing things later, but I see this and know I want to change this so I have to work on doing it. Again, it’s not going to happen overnight but putting in effort will get you to where you want to be. Things have been kind of hard for me right now but I know things I want to change and make myself better so whether it’s good enough for anybody else, I now realize it doesn’t matter as long as it’s following on the path I want for myself. Never feel bad for being all over the place or a “mess”, everyone has a different way of living life and remember at the end of the day we’re all just trying to figure everything out. No one’s winning by any means. Reality check, there’s no competition. We all have the same ending, just be happy with how you lived your story. You’re perfect the way you are. Never give up on yourself, you’re really all you got. Treat yourself with kindness, you deserve it🫶